I booty called her while she was in labor.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
