it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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