from now on my penis is your penis
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
