Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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