I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
