Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My pussy is not your playground.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
