even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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