I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just want nice things and good sex
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
