just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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