Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
