hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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