Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
