You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
