I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
this will be a night to untag.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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