can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
