I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
