Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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