Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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