Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
