I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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