Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
