my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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