Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Porn is love you can see.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
