not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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