if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
