Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
