did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
