You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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