He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
