We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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