Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
