I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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