Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
