You can't motorboat a personality
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
