At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
