He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
