Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
