My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
