oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
