i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize