so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The dick lei will go down in squad history
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
