Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
