So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
