Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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