whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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