i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
