i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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