we have officially lost it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
