That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
