My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
