i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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