The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
