She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
