Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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