I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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