well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
