I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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