It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
