She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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