i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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