I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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