I must be too annoying 4 u.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
