I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize