i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize