My sheets look like a crime scene.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
