At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
