I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
