I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
