I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
